What is Femininity?

The flower doesn't dream of the bee. It blossoms, and the bee comes. –Mark Nepo

 It is the quality of possessing particular traits and displaying certain behaviors. Being feminine or masculine is not an indication of worth. It does not make a woman better or inferior. It simply just is, much like having brown hair, or blue eyes. Every woman or man, feminine or masculine, is worthy of respect, happiness, and love, simply because they exist.

Femininity is best understood in relation to its opposite, masculinity–and also with suspended judgement.

Femininity is (a flower):

~ Softness, in physical appearance and manner. Breasts, hips, lips, skin, hair, eyes, and gaze...all is soft and yielding.

~ Compassion, concern, and caring for others and self.

~ Tender and affectionate, she radiates warmth and welcoming.

~ Beauty, in her physical appearance and environment, is a priority.

~ Vulnerability. She desires, and requires, protection.

~ Internal, inward focus: emotions, the home, children, and family.

~ Innocence, playfulness. Men need an escape from their responsibilities.

~ Highly selectively sexual.

~ Accepts, based on worthiness to herself and her (current or potential) children.

~ Long (or at least soft) hair, large eyes, smooth soft skin, full breasts and hips.

In direct balanced comparison, masculinity is (the bee):

~ Hard, in physical appearance and manner. Strength, muscular, gaze, and eyes...all is direct, piercing, and unyielding.

~ Task-oriented, focused on achieving goals and successful outcomes.

~ Strong, unwavering, he creates and maintains boundaries.

~ Function, in physical appearance and environment. Energy is expended on 'what's important'.

~ Strength, he desires to and will protect, at all costs.

~ External, expansive focus: to always be enlarging and growing his environment for the benefit of those in his care.

~ Maturity, humor. Women need to be enlivened and entertained to ease the burden of their responsibilities.

~ Promiscuously sexual.

~ Pursues, based on worthiness.

~ Short hair, smaller eyes, tough skin, large shoulders and arms.

Feminine can only be truly understood in relation to masculinity. One cannot exist without the other, and neither wants to. Each balances the other, creating a stability that allows the other it's fullest expression. Each person possesses a specific degree of these traits, and each desires their perfect opposite balance in another.

I see femininity/masculinity as a spectrum, from one to ten. One is the most feminine one can be: small, delicate, vulnerable, loving, caring, and affectionate. It's equal and balanced counterpart is a ten: big, powerful, strong, providing, and focused. Every woman and man possesses their own distinct 'number', from one to ten. Each will be attracted to, and will attract, their direct opposite.

For example, if I as a woman am a 'two' (highly feminine but possessing some more slightly expansive traits), I will be attracted to a 'nine' (a highly masculine but warm and affectionate man). And so on down the spectrum. A woman can be a 'six': uninterested in beauty or the relative frivolity of decorating and maintaining a home (feminine) but very focused on her career, directing and leading others (masculine). She will be attracted to a 'four' man: less ambitious in his career, and focused on the traditionally feminine supportive role of being a stay at home father.

Is there a value judgement in this arrangement? Of course not. The importance lies in each person being aware if their own qualities and desires, and accepting what is right for each of them.

As it relates to human relations, the analogy of the flower and the bee is a good one. A feminine woman is much like a flower: beautifully, aesthetically pleasing, delightfully scented, soft to the touch. A masculine man, like a bee, is focused and driven by what he desires....the sweet nectar of the flower. He actively seeks. She patiently waits. He is expansive in his searching and work. She stays close to one area and tends lovingly to that area, to herself and her offspring. She creates and maintains a warm and inviting place of cleanliness and beauty for him to work for and protect. Without him, she would not be able to devote much of herself to herself, and her home and family. Without her, he would not have a reason for his work.

Femininity and masculinity in their greatest forms intertwine both qualities. A woman is strong when she needs to be, and a man is soft and tender when he needs to be.

BeautyJen Yell